Doomsday Preppers

I know you’ve heard it all before, people purchasing designer bunkers that enable a person and loved ones to disappear for up to 90 days, but I guess we ought to cover it off to dot the ‘I’ and cross the ‘t’s. The big question for us all, whether we can afford it or not, is it worth the investment/effort?

Dear God, imagine being contained twenty feet underground for three months. Most of us yearn for the end of the week starting on Monday. Imagine a week lasting twelve working weeks and all the weekends in between. I don’t think I’d be worrying about what’s up top on the surface so much as what’s bubbling up down in the bunker. Tempers would be short, the air would be stale. I suspect loving the people you’re trapped in with wouldn’t count for much after a couple of weeks – I know I have some irritating habits I don’t want anyone to share for that long. Snoring for one. I’d have to make sure all the tips of knives are blunt.

bunkerThere are two main problems with this sort of massive spend on something that may or may not work when you need it. Well, three problems really, starting with the fact that I would not want to spend at least £42k on the bunker; that cost excludes digging the hole, getting planning permission, connecting or building water services, power facilities – hell, it’s beginning to sound more like a fancy coffin than a viable retreat. I think I’d rather fight my way to freedom on the surface.

Problem two: What if you’re away on holiday when the s**t hits the fan? An apocalypse by nature of the beast is sudden and all encompassing. Short of living in your expensive hole in the ground just in case, it is more likely to turn out to be a white elephant than a viable alternative. I watched a video of one being set up on and a week after completion the generator, supposedly hidden and secured, had been stolen. Doesn’t bode well for the investment.

Problem three: What if the contagion is smaller than the designed air filtration can cope with? You then have a tube underground filled with mean-assed mofos hell bent on killing each other and eating each other’s brains. Sort of defeats the purpose, n’est pas?

All-in-all, my solution to the problem is to save your money, enjoy it in the here and now; if an apocalypse does befall us, hope you’re somewhere you can escape from (I pity anyone on the London Underground at that time – mind you I pity them even without an apocalypse so that’s not saying much). If you can escape then rule number one – FIND A WEAPON OF ANY SORT for your immediate protection. Head for the hills or remote areas. Get away from towns and cities – all those corpses will create an amazing soup of disease. Make sure you can find suitable clothing for your environment or the weather will kill all us sissies from the cities. After that, wing it!

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