Is it safe to use a toilet in a Zombie Apocalypse?

I have to say, I’m a little spoilt for choice as to which article I choose to promote today. I’ve made my choice so I’ll stick to it.

toilet-man-hiEvery zombie book I’ve read, every film or series I’ve watched, all have one theme that follows them through, including my books I have to admit. What is that theme? The random firing of high velocity ammunition indiscriminately, without the slightest thought for where the bullet might end up.

Who of you, when at school learning mechanics in maths, saw it as a revelation that if you fire a bullet in the air it will perform an arc at whose end point it will have the same energy minus a bit of frictional energy as it travels through the air? In English that means that it will still be travelling bloody fast when it lands and hit with the force of at least a fist. Especially modern high velocity rounds.

So, what does that mean to us? We’ve just evaded being confronted by a group of particularly hungry zombies and we’re walking down the street, enjoying the sunshine and the fact that we’re still alive when out of the blue one of our number drops down dead from a connecting bullet, blood oozing from a gaping hole. Where did it come from? Everyone crouches or dives for cover believing it to be a sniper using a suppressed rifle. After a while we move on, less one person in the group. We never discover where the shot came from.

Across the city someone is hitting the zombies like it’s a computer game, using a 50 calibre mounted machine gun, tearing up the crowds, firing up into buildings – all oblivious to the landing place of the rounds fired.

maschinengewehr-48da0o9dfDuring the First World War it was a fairly common – and sneaky – practice to raise the trajectory of a field machine gun – they fired huge half inch flat-head slugs of lead – to lob the rounds over a hill. That way the soldiers hiding hopefully out of sight of snipers would suddenly find themselves under attack, the rounds peppering their lines with tremendous force. It was a clever tactic; clearly someone had paid attention in their maths class.

Next time you watch a zombie film or read a zombie book think about what they are doing. Would you want to be responsible for hitting someone on the proverbial toilet? Or would you prefer just to take out your intended target?

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