Of Mice And Men, Or ‘Of Super-Rats And Politicians’

This has been an interesting week for news, and while terrible things are going on elsewhere in the world, here in the UK we have had some rather interesting accusations coming from Parliament as well as, coincidentally, a rise in the population of Super-Rats.

Let’s talk about rats first – the non-parliamentary kind. Several articles have come out recently describing everything from traffic being brought to a halt as huge rats run across the road, to attacks on ducks. Apparently they are also capable of detecting baited food. They nibble a little, determine whether the taste is right and eat the rest once they’ve decided it isn’t poisoned. Clever little bastards.

Living in London you hear all sorts of rumours about being never more than six feet away from a rat at any one time, but I believe that to be an exaggeration, it’s more like sixty feet. In the last week or so I have begun to see rats running across our garden. The dog does his best but, bless him, he’s a greyhound, not a ratter and generally tends to run the wrong direction when trying to locate them. He can smell them though and is becoming quite grumpy when I force him to come inside in the evenings; he really wants to catch one but I’ll be old and grey before that happens!

Coincidentally, the phone tapping trials are over, and most of the ‘guilty’ have been found not-guilty at huge cost to the tax payer. Cameron, our beloved leader, apparently made a mistake when he hired Coulson as the Tory Party Communications Director.  The courts decide that he is a liar and a crook. Later, and showing a distinct lack of appropriate timing – the jury had not finished deliberating, Cameron apologised.

I am a little confused by that; I would have thought lying and being a crook were the perfect attributes for a politician. Bringing the two strains of my diatribe together I would like to present this little table. It summarises the differences between Super-Rats and Politicians:

Attribute Politician Super-Rat
Not liked by the Public – regarded as vermin True True
Untrustworthy True True
Clever Occasionally True
Thieves True True
Immune to poison True True
Really hard to get rid of Very True True
Genetic mutations Maybe True
Getting bigger in each generation True (wealthier) True
Becoming a time-bomb of resistance to removal True True
Population explosion Feels like it True
Problem confined to the UK? No No
Could they bite children? Is their kiss worse than bite? Yes
Do they eat ducks? Yes, with Orange sauce and an expensive wine paid for by the public Yes, raw
A danger to health? Yes, through cutbacks Yes
Do they take Public Transport? No Yes, frequently
Do they show signs of regret? Yes, when caught Yes
Do they show signs of learning from mistakes? No Yes

 

Now I’m really confused. It appears there is little to differentiate between them other than MPs don’t take public transport. The public hate them (MPs), but time and time again they are voted into power. I wonder if Super-Rats would do a better job, at least they do appear to learn from mistakes.

Don’t be fooled by the tone of this blog, I love politicians. After all, without them we would have many fewer headlines covering skulduggery (love that word), theft, and expenses fraud among other things. And on top of that we do love to hate them.

Some articles that might be of interest:

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jun/27/david-cameron-tory-party-aparent-unity

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2669542/Rise-genetically-mutated-SUPER-RATS-Giant-rodents-immune-poison-spreading-rapid-speeds.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2670736/Rats-big-attacking-DUCKS-town-park-theyre-not-taking-poisoned-bait-steal-bread-meant-birds.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2652150/Not-dirty-rat-Study-shows-rodents-capable-regret.html

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