Zombie Apocalypse Homes

I came across a tongue-in-cheek article in the MailOnline (where else?) about a fortified shed designed with the Zombie Apocalypse in mind. Useful or a cynical marketing ploy, I don’t know, but it set me thinking about what is out there, what is affordable and what is realistic.

Let’s take a look at the shed first – okay, it’s not exactly your average garden shed. In fact, it’s about £70k worth of timber before you pay for the accessories at a cost of another £20k or so. The wood seems substantial (although, as with all wood it can burn down) and door access is limited to the lower, interconnected buildings (one is a garage) that stand side by side within the compound. It is ringed with barb/razor wire, has floodlights illuminating the surrounding ground which itself is bereft of any foliage other than low grass. Those sneaky little f***ers won’t even get close. The main building is two storeys and its top is again ringed with razor wire. Perched on top of this structure you can mount a 360 degree guard to keep your domain safe.

Illustration from designyoutrust.com
Illustration from designyoutrust.com

Meanwhile, back on planet Earth, those of us without the land or the readies to stump up for such dubious luxuries, what can we do to keep ourselves safe in the Zombie Apocalypse? I know it has been much written about, along with the logic for staying or heading for the hills, but what if you decided to stay in your home? What have you got to look forward to and how will you defend it? Staying is THE option to a lot of people, after all, most homes are chock full of memories and everything in there is a culmination of what you have achieved so far in your life. I know you can’t take it with you when you’re dead, but stop and take a moment to really think about what it would be like to literally leave everything behind forever, as if it had never happened. No wonder everyone in TWD looks miserable!

Most homes in the UK are double glazed and as a result the windows can withstand the drumming of bloody fists pretty much indefinitely, although to be fair the gore left behind on those white PVC window sills will have to be regularly wiped down or you’ll end up with indelible stains that will lower the resale value of your home (should circumstance ever permit in the future). Doors are another thing entirely. Although these too can be replaced with ugly PVC facsimiles of the original, most people choose not to do this, preferring the original wood. After all, few want to be hermetically sealed into their properties (check out Right At Your Door if you want to see what happens when you seal your home completely). A single piece of 2×4 wood long enough to jam 2/3 the way up the door and into the flooring about 4 or 5 feet distant should do the trick and hold it against all but the most determined zombie.

Your best weapon is silence, closely followed by invisibility. Unless the zombie of your particular apocalypse is equipped with excellent smell capabilities and can sniff you out, then it is in your interest not to use lights or make a sound. Let’s face it, when you have a cold your nasal senses are very limited, when you’re walking dead it is not unreasonable to assume their sinuses are even more buggered up! If not, try strong perfume or aftershave – the less human you smell, the better for you (check out TCC).

#ThePurplePassport
#ThePurplePassport

Whatever you intend to do, stay or go, food and especially water will always be a problem you will need to continually solve. As a starting point, keep a few of those large water bottles in the bottom of your wardrobe or somewhere out of the way so you aren’t tempted to use them. You will need approximately 1.5 to 2 litres of water daily depending on what you are eating and the ambient temperature. That’s 60 litres of water for a month’s supply for one person – quite a stash!

Defending your home against marauders is probably your biggest concern. If you can make your home look like it has already been ransacked, that will probably work better than most other options. Spill rubbish around the front door, and leave the door ajar but secured enough to prevent entry. Finding a gun would be the ultimate deterrent: in the UK guns are more akin to hen’s teeth than in the USA, so having a gun is likely to put you at an advantage. In the USA it’s more likely to have to be used to kill to achieve the same goal.

In the end, it is quite likely you will have to move out; the neighbourhood will go to hell, house fires will be prevalent – especially in an area where natural gas is supplied, so get a back pack ready for that moment’s notice when you will have to bug out. Only take essentials, you can move into someone else’s home later on. If you’re lucky it will be nicer than yours was!

Books by the Author – available worldwide on all good eBook stores:

The Common Cold: A Zombie Chronicle (first in Trilogy)

The Common Cold: A Zombie Chronicle – Cabin Fever (second in Trilogy)

The Common Cold: A Zombie Chronicle – Dez Rez (third in Trilogy)

The Common Cold: A Zombie Chronicle Trilogy – three books in one

Return Of A King: A Zombie Chronicle (first in trilogy)

Return Of A King: A Zombie Chronicle – Z Factor (second in trilogy)

The Animus Portal

Fierce Alchemy

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