Zombie Apocalypse Weapons

I know we’ve talked about Zombie Apocalypse Weapons before but today I found something pretty cool – I have found something to which I can aspire.

Brain cracker – flanged mace – long-lasting and always loaded!

For those of us living in the UK it will be a serious challenge to obtain a weapon during the apocalypse without mugging a soldier or police officer, and let’s face it, mugging one of those would be a significant challenge let alone somewhat immoral. Our gun laws state that it is illegal for an upright citizen to own a gun without a licence. To obtain a licence you have to have a number of checks and measures placed against you including sponsorship by a ‘professional’ person. So what’s a ‘professional’ person then? A lawyer, teacher, judge, justice of the peace, politician (just). Interesting that few of these are actually trustworthy today.

Lawyers – what do they call 50 lawyers chained together at the bottom of the sea? A good start.

Judges – I heard yesterday the statistic that 4 in 10 (2 in every 5) judges have been touched by the latest scandal of members of parliament and their young playthings – I won’t go any deeper on this subject – it’s distasteful and meat for another day’s rant.

Teachers – we have had so many scandals lately of teachers running away with their pupils, having sexual relationships, straight or otherwise, that it makes me wonder if part of the new teaching curriculum is a class that points out that ‘in loco parentis’ is just a guideline rather than a hard and fast rule.

Justice of the peace – to be fair to these guys they are about the only group in the list that are not part of an ongoing scandal – only time will prove them to be upstanding citizens.

Politicians – ’nuf said.

I think perhaps the definition of ‘professional’ person should be changed from the Victorian listing given today.

Of course, if you are a crook none of this applies and you can have as many guns as you need for the job in hand. Let’s hope that when the ZA happens I am either a crook or know a friendly, heavily armed one.

As Far as Zombie Apocalypse Weapons, What Are Our Choices?

Failing to make friends with a gangster, what can I do to keep myself safe? I do have a few weapons to choose from without enlisting the assistance of a ‘professional’:

An air rifle (as long as it has 12lb pressure or less)

A knife shorter than 4” in length

A crossbow

Emperor Qin – weapons of the Zombie Apocalypse – long distance, silent death dealer!

Or a Terracotta Army crossbow! This is where my article is taking you 🙂

This crossbow can (well, it used to, 2,200 years ago) shoot a bolt accurately over a distance of approximately five football pitches (something I know Daryl can’t do with his) and was probably responsible for the success of this army under Emperor Qin. Was this an ancient apocalypse? For some I reckon it was!

Experts reckon they will be able to make a replica of the crossbow they found – the first to have been found intact – all I can hope is that it is on display in London at the start of the Zombie Apocalypse. That way, all I have to do is fight my way into the centre of that massively populous city (probably not riding on a horse), break into the British Museum where I imagine it would be exhibited, find it, gather it up along with a quiver of bolts, figure out how to use it, and then fight my way back out of the city in one piece.

Once I’ve achieved all that I can set about righting wrongs and keeping decent folk safe from marauders and all from a silent, deadly distance – instilling fear into the hearts of wrong-doers, especially the ‘Guvnor’. Sounds easy, doesn’t it? Probably easier than finding a respectable professional person at least.
Books by the Author – available worldwide on all good eBook stores:
The Common Cold: A Zombie Chronicle (first in Trilogy)
The Common Cold: A Zombie Chronicle – Cabin Fever (second in Trilogy)
The Common Cold: A Zombie Chronicle – Dez Rez (third in Trilogy)
The Common Cold: A Zombie Chronicle Trilogy – three books in one
Return Of A King: A Zombie Chronicle (first in trilogy)
Return Of A King: A Zombie Chronicle – Z Factor (second in trilogy)
The Animus Portal
Fierce Alchemy