The Zombie Apocalypse – Are You Fit Enough?

I’ve spent 30 years in the IT industry. As a result I’ve lost the fitness I had when I was younger; all those hours spent in front of the computer have definitely told on me. I’ve tried gyms, jogging, pretty much anything I could to get back my youthful fitness, mostly to little avail. I am not alone in this, I’m sure many of you are nodding sagely, glad that you aren’t the only one in this position. Question is, are you fit enough to survive the zombie apocalypse?

zombie apocalypse zombies won't walk like this (Courtesy Night of the Living Dead)
Zombies won’t walk slowly like this – but if they do your stamina has to be better than theirs!

My current business role allows me to walk to work and from client to client. Last year my poor old car only put on 813 miles; economical for me but not so great for her. The point is, I suddenly realised how much effort it takes to walk large distances. I walk 4.5 miles to the office, the other day I covered approximately 12 miles in a day. Strangely it now has little impact on me apart from the big-ass blister I got for my pains! I’m getting fitter (and as an aside I’ve also lost weight and am doing more general fitness exercises.

night of the living dead weakest link in the zombie apocalypse
Which one is the weakest link?

When I began this prodigious walking I started small. If it was the zombie apocalypse, I guarantee the roads won’t be as clear as they are depicted in films and television series. This will lead to the necessity to walk. Even if you take a motorbike, the batteries will ultimately conk out and you will be obliged to slum it with the rest of us.

So, what’s your great escape plan? If you’re anything like me you will spend the odd moment (hopefully not obsessing) looking around you, seeing what you can use as a weapon and what your initial plan would be in such an event – and also assuming you aren’t one of the walking dead! Apart from considering your weapons, your food supply and your escape route, have you considered your weakest member of your community (family), how you would keep them safe, move them to a safe location, etc.? Have you realised it is initially more important to have enough water to last a couple of weeks and not your food supply? When you go to a supermarket don’t buy/liberate perishable items. Get cans, people, get canned food.

parkour to survive zombie apocalypse
I’m not suggesting you have to be this fit 🙂

The fitter you are, the more likely it is that you will have a chance of survival in the Zombie Apocalypse. You don’t want to be the slower, fat friend – the zombie feast. It’s easy to do. Don’t bother jogging – have you ever seen a happy jogger? I haven’t. Try this:

  • Don’t get in the car for that short journey, walk there and back; for ease of movement and to keep your hands free, carry a backpack for your shopping. You might even enjoy it. I think I’ve become addicted to the endorphin production of the longer journeys; that in itself is weird for me, I don’t ever recall having been that keen on exercising. Walk a minimum of 20 minutes, you won’t regret it – don’t reward yourself with a big juicy burger, it’s good practice to feel a little hungry!
  • Don’t forget to work on your upper body strength, zombies have no pain threshold, they will be like PCP addicts with super-human strength. It’s all very well having your favourite machete by your side but without stamina and strength you will soon run out of what it takes to survive.

All the while, consider your weakest loved one. You have to be fit enough for them as well; it’s your only obligation as you go into the zombie apocalypse! Keep your humanity.

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